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Why couples should fight



In this part of the world, arguments, fighting among siblings and friends are considered as a bad thing. In serious relationships, partners are regularly counseled to avoid it as much as possible. They believe it destroys marriages and can be instrumental to spousal death.

But while constant fights are a sign things are going wrong between people in a relationship, relationship experts have recommended it for all couples.  Well, this may sound stupid, unrealistic but as far as this group of people is concerned, couples ought to fight and argue with each other more often for a better relationship. Here are some points backing this view up: avoiding conflicts and bottling up feelings can lead to even greater stress in the long run. If you still doubt their line of thought, just take a look at the following points:

Relieves stress and anxiety

If you have forced yourself to suppress your feelings just to avoid arguments and fights, you will know that the effect on your system is not positive. Some say it causes them headache, unrest and sleeplessness. If you have felt this way or worse for this reason before, you will readily agree with the belief that bottling up feelings to avoid conflicts is more dangerous to the body.  According to Mrs. Kate Akibu, a graduate of Psychology from the University of Ilorin, the “I will always shut up” approach is not always the best when it comes to your partner.

“The feelings and words you forced yourself not to express in a bid to avoid an argument can cause problem for your body, mind and soul beyond your imagination.  With pent-up emotions, some stress hormones are released and this can be detrimental to your health. Letting out your feelings, however, will ease all agitations and stress,” she said.

Boosts confidence

Fighting does not portray you, as a weakling or as wicked. As long as you are not violent in the way you go about it, you are simply making your feelings, opinion known.  When you argue and come out the other side, it shows you can compromise and get through things together, even when things are tense.

A healthy argument can bring passion by raising energy levels between couples. When your partner finally aligns with you on the issues you raised afterwards, your confidence gets real boosted. This, however, does not mean you should keep arguing about the same thing. There is nothing wrong in disagreeing to agree or vice versa.

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Shows commitment

Most people do not know that arguing shows that you care about your partner and the relationship. They feel you do not see any good thing about them and the relationship. They need to know that expressing your feeling about an issue that is not working is a way of showing that you are not happy that it is not working and you desire that it works. It shows your honesty about the relationship and your desire to better the situation. What then is wrong with wanting to get things better? If there is no answer yet? Then, that fight is justified because it is only a relationship that matters to anyone that he or she raises issue around.

But Akibu advises the need to argue fairly, listen to each other and make changes – together. She said, “starting off a discussion with ‘I feel that when …’ is far better than starting with ‘When you did…’; meaning, if couples would learn how to own up to their feelings than accusing their partners, they will achieve more with their quarrels.”

Strengthens couples

Research again has revealed that that the more times you bounce back from an argument, the stronger your relationship will become. Besides, arguments, she said, give couples the chance to see one another in their true colours and endear them to one another. It helps them to respect each other and allows them to have a stronger bond.

Increases Intimacy

Fighting helps us to know our partners better. You get to know what they like and  what they don’t like, what they want, where their boundaries are, how flexible they are, what hurts them, and what they need to feel better. Discovering these aspects breeds a deeper intimacy and appreciation of the other.

Stimulates sex

Since arguments often increase blood pressure and heightened emotions, it is a given, in the words of relationship experts, that libido get heightened when the conflict is after all settled. This, no doubt, will result in more passionate, exciting sex. And where a row ends in sweet, good sex, that relationship can only get stronger.

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Improves health

Pent-up anger, a medical personnel with the Lagos UniversityTeaching Hospital(LUTH), Dr. Temitope Idowu, said delivers cortisol and adrenaline to the body, which in turn leads to digestive problems and even substance abuse as a way of coping.. Letting off steam and expressing your feelings releases tension, anxiety and fear. When this happens, a housewife, Mrs. Helen Obi says, “I feel unburdened, lighter, like a weight is off my shoulders. It helped deal with my ulcer pains.” Not only does this feel better, it is a healthier state when anxiety and stress, with accompanying harmful hormones, are dissipated. Keeping emotions bottled up all the time leads to rigidity of the mind, body and soul.

  Improves your character.

A constructive fight will help you appreciate your partner better and brings out the best in you. For instance, it increases your patience, care, and love. It helps you realise that you care for this person and want him or her to be happy (without losing sight of your own needs).

 It affirms your human nature

Since you are human, having a reason to quarrel shows that you are neither perfect nor in a perfect relationship. It is one evidence that shows that you can sometimes be hurt, be stressed out, or just be tired.

It helps drive home your thoughts, feelings and opinions.

When you are able to fully express yourself, your partner will understand the depth of your feelings about a subject. Fighting has a tendency to bring out our worst tendencies. But it can also bring out our best attributes once we work through the tough stuff. In this process, we get to know the good, the bad and the ugly of ourselves and our partners, and still love them.

Fighting, with the above points, is clear to be necessary in all relationships. It is a way of expression and a means to create a greater bond between couples. However, we need to stress it here that it must not be with any form of abuse or violence instead it must be skillfully done to achieve its positive goal. So, what do you say? Isn’t it time to have more fights?