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Over-parenting: Signs you’re guilty

We all want to be great parents and help our kids thrive, grow in comfort and become better than we in life.

Unfortunately, the way many parents go about this is not just totally wrong. Many psychologists have observed that this is very unhealthy for these children

Today’s parents  get so involved in the lives of their children such that their youthful years have become very impaired. Little wonder the nation is overpopulated with young men and women, who are only physically grown but emotionally weak.  The issue, according to these experts, is that most parents are oblivious of the line between “being there” for their kids and when their actions become  overbearing.

If  you had ever wondered or are currently wondering if you are a parent, who is overbearing, one who hovers and orbits around her child too much, your response to the following instances will give you a clue.

Do you arrange lots of play dates?

Besides playing with kids at home, taking them to fun places, schools, supervising their homework and reading story books to lull them to sleep while they were kids, are you one of those who will bribe your children’s ways to pass or enjoy special attention of their teachers at any educational level?

If you dictate the courses they study, ensures that they get registered at some “special centres,” follow and wait for them to write JAMB and other examinations; you are definitely one of those involved in over parenting.

If you take them to schools at resumption or when their schools close for the session at any higher institution of learning, you are again guilty.

If you still want to influence their choices of friends and life partners instead of guiding them, you are equally an overbearing parent.

Commonly referred to as helicopter parenting, over parenting refers to the excessive involvement and control that some parents have in their children’s everyday activities.

Some researchers believe that it occurs when parents feel happiness is the only thing they should provide for their children at all cost.

But while keeping kids happy remains paramount, going overboard can do more harm than good to these children in adulthood.

Other ways you are an overbearing parent.are:

When you praise kids all the time

Over parenting occurs when ou praise everything that your child does. While there seems no big deal in appreciating your kid’s good effort, one of the big signs that you are over-involved, overbearing and out of balance is when you praise your child for everything he or she does. Yes, kids need encouragement, but parents  should not go overboard when giving kudos. For example, giving a “high-five” and a few “good jobs” while potty-training your little one is fine. But once children master a new task, it’s time to back off so they learn to persevere on their own, without external praise and adoration.

When you do too much for them

Take for instance, it’s one thing to carry a child’s back-pack when it’s super heavy, it’s another thing when you find yourself carrying it for your child, even when it’s empty. If you are not careful, your child may start to believe that he lives in a hotel instead of a home. He may believe that you are his personal carer or servant instead of his parent.

When you reward everything

It is good to  reward a child’s desirable behaviour, as it makes them likely to repeat the action thereby perfecting it.  It’s tempting to buy or bribe kids with toys to get them to behave well when on an outing.  However, when it becomes a norm,  it may make your child never to do anything without motivation. If your child is always looking for what he or she is going to get each time he does something, you are probably on the road to over parenting.

When you are ever ready to render help

You are an helicopter parent  when you help your kids without being asked as if they cannot do it.

When you choose their friends for them

Most parents think loving their children is evident in getting all things.done for them.

They always forget that if the children are going to thrive socially,  it’s better to let them figure out who their friends are without your guidance.

When your aim is to get things done faster

It’s equally tempting to do things for your children because they get done faster when you do them yourself. Feeling this way makes you an overbearing parent.

One of the best ways to avoid over parenting is by asking yourself a simple question: “How do I help my child grow in this situation?” Doing this will help you hesitate before you rush in to help. This simple question will ensure that your expectations are in line with what your little one can deliver for his age and stage of development. Even more, asking: “How do I help my child grow in this situation?” will help you be creative in your options and prevent you from over parenting.

If you are still feeling indifferent towards this topic, wait until next week when we bring up the effects that this helicopter parenting has on children.

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