Sometime ago, the picture of a secondary school girl, having sexual intercourse with a young man assumed to be a mechanic at a workshop in Lagos went viral.
Although many claimed to have seen the story and picture before now, the fact remains that the act, which did not really show the faces of the two lovers took place. It was obviously not a rape case, as the girl did not in any way struggle or scream; otherwise, there would not have been the calmness that was in the environment.
According to the story, the shot was taken in the morning, meaning the girl was assumed to have been in school or, at least, been on her way to school. She was not meeting the guy for the first time and they were actually having a quickie, which made her to assume the position in the picture.
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While many were castigating the guy, saying that he probably must have hypnotised the girl, my own argument is that it is not their first time of meeting and the girl in question would not have been the only girl, going to school and taking that path to her school. Again, it is also clear that she was not being deflowered that day. Meaning she had been sexually active long before that day.
No doubt, any sane mother who takes her time to check the picture of those two out will feel sad. But the question is can any of them beat their chests, concerning their teen girls? Can they tell what that ‘little’ girl of theirs is currently up to as at any time? How sure are they that their girls don’t get involved in stuffs like this on their way to or from schools, as regularly as every day of the week?
As a mother, it is important that you embrace the fact that it is important that you get to know your daughter more. You must get to teach her a lot of things about sex no matter how religious you may be. Unfortunately, the desire to make ends meet, make extra money to fend for the family both immediate and extended has become so overwhelming that most mothers don’t even get to see their children as regularly as the ones of many decades ago did.
One thing that mothers and parents generally must be conscious of is the fact that teenagers will get to a point when their desire for sex will be high. According to studies, this is because the hormones that cause puberty to occur in teens are generally thought to increase their desire to have sex. There are also social influences, such as what friends are saying about sex, and what they see, read, and hear about sex on TV, in movies, on the Internet, and in musical lyrics. With one or all of the listed, teens and young adults cannot but start thinking about sex, who they’re attracted to, and when they actually start having sex.
This is where the role of real mothers should come in. But most mothers don’t also know how to go about this. As far as many are concerned, broaching the topic can even lure or cause an attraction to the deed itself. Well, whatever way anyone may interpret it; it is important that you keep them abreast of the topic. These are ways to go about it.
Start talking to them about their bodies early. As they grow, “teach them the correct names of their body parts and model respect for their bodily autonomy and boundaries,” says Laura Reagan, a licensed clinical social worker in Maryland. “It’s important to give children the message that their bodies are normal and answer children’s questions about their bodily functions and sex, without shaming them for being curious. Do not force children to give hugs or kisses or sit on anyone’s lap. Teach them that they are the only ones, who are allowed to touch their sexual body parts, except when a doctor or caregiver needs to examine those body parts for a specific reason related to health or hygiene.”
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Start talking about the basics of sexual reproduction when they are around five years old. Experts say children become curious about where babies come from, and how they are made and so on. You can talk about sex in an accurate and simple way without having to get too detailed. Teach them that touching their own bodies is something that we do only in private, not in public.
Avoid sending the message that sex is something shameful or bad, but explain that sex is something adults do to express love. Be clear that adults do not have sexual interactions with children, and that if any adult ever touches a child’s sexual body parts the parent needs to know.
Teach them to value their bodies. While preaching the importance of your daughter, waiting till her wedding night before having sex, you must bring the reasons to her in a way that she will be able to embrace it. Teach her the value that her husband will attach to having it the first time with her, such as respect, honour and trust, which will enable him stand strongly behind her should there be any reproductive problem in the future. All these you will say apart from the fact that keeping her body intact, as the temple of God is holy and acceptable to God.
List the number of risks attached to pre-marital sex. Besides different Sexually Transmitted Diseases, in the occurrence of an unwanted pregnancy, her man may deny since she is still young and naïve and he himself is barely a child or just an adventurous man, who is out to merely take an advantage of her. She may be pushed into going for an abortion, which is not just a murder but can be injurious to her womb if it is performed by a quack or she was made to take some dangerous pills unknowingly.
Make the home environment calm, open and safe for them to ask questions. It is important that parents be accessible to their children rather than being confrontational or stiff to the curiosity of their children. Encourage your children and teens to feel safe to raise topics for discussion over any issues bothering them.
