In this part of the world, the sexual culture is overwhelmingly focused on intercourse. This is regularly played up in books, television talks and drama episodes as well as home movies, making it a norm.
Speaking, however, many lovers have been experiencing difficult intercourse for God-knows number of years, suffering and dying silently.
For instance, some findings have revealed that only about 25 per cent of women consistently reach orgasm through intercourse.
Confirming this was responses of some adults to an exhaustive discussion that yours truly put them through on the subject.
“For me, real intercourse does not give me the satisfaction that I had often heard people talk about. But since I have discovered that I reach my peak most times, during foreplay, my husband has kind of kept this at the back of his mind and always make it part of the game to devote quality time to that. Luckily, it also helps him achieve his climax at the end,” said the vice-principal of a secondary school in the Ogba area of Lagos State.
“I have a rigid nature that experiences crazy dryness steadily. This has made every session of love-making painful for me. It only gets better with a longer period of foreplay,” a female clothier also commented.
Before you conclude that this is all a woman’s thing, hear a middle-aged businessman, Mr Fidelis Linus, out. “As you can see, my big body frame, especially my belly, has been constituting a hindrance to good love-making session for me and my wife. I am only grateful to God for the kind of woman He gave me and the age that I grew to become bigger. If not, our poor sexual life would have torn us apart. It’s not that we are not doing anything or that I do not have erections, but we both get frustrated in the process most times. So, I see that my wife does not even look forward to it. But I compensate her in many other ways.”
Beyond the above examples, a Sex Therapist, in Lagos, Mr Idowu Olojo, pointed out that the general assumption that lovers derive the best pleasure through intercourse does not apply to everyone. “This thing is never cast in stone. What works for A may not necessarily work for B. And there are several reasons responsible for this. If you must know, the intercourse that the whole world is clamouring for does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to attain orgasm. Apart from this, some women never produce much vaginal lubrication, which can make intercourse uncomfortable even with a lubricant,” he said.
Olojo further said that as women begin the long transition to menopause, many more develop vaginal dryness that lubricants may not resolve. The eventuality of this development makes the vaginal wall thinner, which leads to pain during intercourse. Men are not also left out. According to the therapist, some men’s erections become iffy as they age and this can equally cause a hitch on achieving pleasurable intercourse any day.”
As men get older, an increasing number of them experience balky erections. There is also the issue of the erectile dysfunction which many men treat with all kinds of erection drugs. They help in some cases but not for about 30 per cent of them.
To add to the above, Dr Olojo observed that some medical conditions can also make intercourse difficult or impossible.
“Such health conditions as diabetes, heart disease, sciatica, back pain, cancer treatment, obesity, to mention a few, can disrupt the smooth sail of a memorable intercourse,” he explained.
The above, no doubt, leads us to embrace the fact that penile intercourse is actually not equal to sexual fulfilment.
But before you give up on the issue, there’s good news that there are erotic ways out.
It is called outercourse. It simply means that you can still enjoy a great love-making without necessarily having to penetrate your woman. All that this requires is some efforts, adjustments and determination to explore the new option, on the part of both lovers.
“Change is the only thing that is constant, though never easy, but if embraced, you will soon discover that you have made the right decision. For those who are finding intercourse difficult, this option allows hot, fulfilling lovemaking for life.
What to do
Submit to playful tips
This is pretty easy. It is just like those years when you guys just started exploring each other and you are excited by your nakedness. Resort to playfulness, whole-body touching, caressing, and massaging. In no time, you will be put in the expected mood that sex therapists say will end in some ecstasy. While this excludes vaginal intercourse, you are expected to focus absolutely on all the other sensitive parts of each other for maximum pleasure. Make good of your hands to massage each other’s genitals. It is not new anyway. It’s oral sex only that the penile insertion is left out.
Employ sex aids.
These include sex toys, particularly vibrators and dildos for women. They are a great enhancement for sexual pleasure. The dildos are the best options for women who enjoy feeling filled up. The woman can use them on herself with the man watching or holding and gently caressing her. On the other hand, the woman can coach the man about how she likes those stuff to be inserted. Most women want their vaginas to be well lubricated before slowly inserting the toy. The man might also use a strap-on dildo for more of an intercourse feel. There are penis sleeves for men.
Hand-massaging his manhood
This is a major way of having sex without intercourse. But this must come with the most exciting caresses for the man. Where you as a man is not feeling it well, brace up to show her the way you prefer it. I mean, there is no point pretending and there is no sin or shame in demonstrating the way to stroke it to get you turned on. Doing this serves three important functions. First, it teaches your woman the most effective strokes. You also help her to provide the most stimulating caresses and increase her confidence in her own erotic prowess and attractiveness.
Working on yourself while your lover looks on is also one way, according to experts, to deepen a couple’s intimacy. “Intimacy simply means self-revelation, disclosing who you are to the other without holding back and this draws lovers closer,” said Dr Olojo.
This is also a major component of great sex without intercourse. It is a method by which a man achieves orgasm without having an erection. Men don’t need an erection to enjoy it. They can derive great pleasure from oral sex with partially erect or even flaccid manhood.
Experts even say a firm erection is not necessarily a tool for ejaculation and orgasm. So, men can enjoy earth-moving orgasms with only partial erection or none at all if they receive sufficient stimulation by hand, mouth or sex toy.
Artificial Sleeves for men
If you are experimenting outercourse, you may try penis sleeves, artificial vaginas or mouths that, when lubricated, feel remarkably close to the real thing. A man who can’t manage vaginal intercourse may be able to slide or stuff his penis into a sleeve. Penis sleeves are pleasurable when incorporated into partner lovemaking.
Lovemaking without intercourse can be a wonderful alternative for lovers of any age who have trouble doing it like they wish to do it.
Like it was said earlier, it requires you putting it into practice, which can feel odd to some. But since novelty is key to sexual zing, it is important to give it a try. For medical experts, doing things differently stimulates the brain to release dopamine, and dopamine heightens the erotic intensity. What’s the big deal then? If you choose to explore some new non-intercourse moves, you can only begin to enjoy pleasurable lovemaking without intercourse for free in just this one life of yours.