Last week, we started the story of a family’s encounter with a gang of robbers who were rebuffed by the visiting father of the wife at a time they all believed all hope was gone. Here is the concluding part of the story and some lessons to learn.
“As he left for his room, my kids ran after him.
‘”Grandpa, we are afraid, we want to sleep with you.’
Dad began to sing and dance
“I am so glad that Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me, I am so glad that Jesus loves me, Jesus loves even me.”
“They giggled and laughed, as they followed him to the guest room.
“I knelt there and began to pray. I was crying and praying. I was asking for strength, for forgiveness, for help, for wisdom, for the renewal of the Spirit. Jide just held my hand and prayed silently.
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“That day was a turning point in my family.”
Above was the experience of a young couple, as related by the wife. What are the lessons therein? Top on the list of them all, is the need for couples to be closer to one another.
Many of today’s couples are together for wrong ranging, ranging from money, physical appearance, career, spiritual beliefs that are most times not well-grounded and particularly just to fulfill the societal norms. No wonder, the rate of divorce, domestic violence keep increasing by the day.
Most couples are just together but live very far away from each other. One of the dangers is what the woman here has revealed .
Intimacy is definitely not a fairytale . All relationships have their ups and downs, and in true intimate relationships, intimacy will exist despite the ups and downs. Falling in love is nice, and getting caught up in a whirlwind romance is exciting. But if those feelings of butterflies eventually start to fade, and the relationship begins to fade with them, chances are intimacy was not playing as big of a role as it should have.
How do you determine this as couples? A relationship expert, Mrs Bolanle Motibe, says although
intimacy looks different in each relationship because no two people are the same, being able to answer “yes” to the following questions, is a good sign that your relationship is on the right path:
– Do you and your partner spend time exploring each other’s interests?
– Does the opinion of both you and your partner matter when making decisions?
– Do you and your partner support one another in your goals?
– Do you and your partner accept each other as you are?
– Do you and your partner make it a priority to communicate?
– Do you and your partner discuss dreams, goals, and fears together?
– Do you and your partner prioritise a physical relationship?
– Do you and your partner show one another affection regularly?
– Do you and your partner treat one another with respect?
– Do you encourage each other to maintain individuality?
Are you and your partner each other’s “go-to” when things get tough?
– Do you and your partner have inside jokes?
-‘Do you and your partner understand each other’s “nonverbal” communication?
– Do you and your partner make time for each other without distractions?
.- Do you and your partner take advantage of opportunities throughout the day to talk or spend time with one
another?
Answering “yes” to most of these questions, Motibe offers, is a sure sign that your relationship is thriving when it comes to intimacy. ” Couples who have high levels of intimacy in their relationships achieve it because they have open lines of communication, respect, and understanding with one another.
Such couples support one another despite what is going on outside of the relationship, and actively encourage one another to pursue what is important to them,” she tells The Nigerian Xpress.
Beyond this, Motibe stresses that highly intimate couples do not just prioritizse the needs of the partner but allow for individuals to advocate for their own needs in the relationship too.
Relationships based on real intimacy create a safe space for both people and actively try to maintain that sense of security for one another. She reminds couples that all of this happens consistently physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Meanwhile, should a couple find answering these questions with more “nos” than you would have liked, this does not signal a hopeless situation. Instead, it should be seen as a time to reevaluate your needs. ” Do not worry though, answering “no” to any of the above questions does not mean that your relationship is destined to fail,” consoles Mrs. Motibe.
According to her, rarely is any relationship perfect all the time. The questions you answered “no” to, can serve as starting points for a conversation with the concerned couple and this can guide you to a decision about what you want your relationship to look like in the future.
It is important to keep in mind that the definition of “intimate” is different in every relationship. If for instance, you and your partner do not answer “yes” to all these questions but are otherwise happy in your relationship, the expert says it may mean all of your intimacy needs are already being met.
Admonishing further, Mrs. Motibe cautions that it is possible in a relationship for one person to feel as though their needs are being met, while their partner does not feel the same. “This is where communication with your partner is key. If you find that there is an area of your relationship that you are not being fulfilled by, you must advocate for yourself and your own needs,” she states.
Just because you feel your relationship lacks intimacy does not mean you and your partner are doomed. Building intimacy in a relationship is a process, and while some relationships create that foundation quickly, others take time. There are many things you can do to increase intimacy in your relationship, including the following:
Explore Your Partner
Challenge yourself to find out more about your partner. Sure, you may know their favourite food and their favourite movie, but do you really know who they are at their core? Discuss big issues with them. Find out their hopes, dreams, and deeply held beliefs about anything important to them. Do not shy away from talking about negative experiences too, the more you can share with one another the closer you will become.
Make Intimacy A Priority
Learning more about your partner requires communication and time. It is hard to build intimacy when racing between work and errands and dealing with everyday issues. Create uninterrupted time to practice intimacy, whether it be physical, emotional, or mental. This does not have to be restricted to a long date on the weekends but can happen all throughout the day in short bursts when possible.
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Listen
A major part of communication and learning about one another is listening. Ensure your partner knows that his or her thoughts and ideas are important to you. Actively participate in conversations with them by asking them for details. Encourage them to communicate everything on their mind. Remember, what they share with you is most likely closely guarded. Listen without judgment and strive to be their “go-to” person when they need support.
Put Away Distractions
It is easy not to realize how often we are distracted by technology in today’s world. We tune into our favorite television shows each night, pop in headphones while we are exercising, and spend our downtime scrolling away on social media. All these activities force us to turn inwards and draw us into our own world.
Unplug the electronics especially when spending time alone with your partner. Instead of sitting side by side on the couch with your technology in hand, spend time actively interacting with each other.
Be Physical
While intimacy is not the same thing as sex, couples who are physically intimate may have an easier time connecting on deeper levels. Simple acts such as holding hands and cuddling can build a relationship of trust that is key to intimacy.
Talk To A Professional
Sometimes, two people want more intimacy in their relationship but have a difficult time tapping into it on their own. In this case, speak with a professional. A trained therapist can help identify the areas where a relationship may need some additional support.
