- Teach your child NO – GO – TELL
Teach your child what to do if someone tries to molest him or her. “No” means saying no to sexual advances. “Go” means to get away as quickly as possible, “Tell” means to tell someone immediately about what’s happening.
- Make it easy for your child to tell you he’s been molested.
If you are the type that screams at your child for spilling milk, she is likely to keep things to herself. a Let your child know it’s safe to talk to you about anything. Be free, be open to them.
- Know the warning signs that your child has been sexually molested.
If your child has nightmares and there’s no other explanation, or if she has mood swings or develops a new or unusual fear of certain people or places, those could be signs she’s been molested.
- Trust your instincts and your child’s, too.
This is probably the single most important piece of advice. If someone makes you uncomfortable, that’s reason enough to keep your child away from that person.
Do not try talking yourself out of what your instinct tells you like we all generally do. Most times, our instincts are usually right. Your child’s instincts are usually right, too.
If your kid tells you she is uncomfortable, that in and of itself is important. Act promptly. They don’t have to be able to tell you why they’re uncomfortable. It’s just enough to know that they are.”
We must not forget that teenagers are still children as long as they are under 18 years of age, they must not be left out as their cases usually involve violence, some of them have awful stories to tell about how trusted relatives raped them, they also need protection.
And according to the MICF founder, “regardless of the child’s behaviour or reactions, it is the responsibility of the adult not to engage in sexual acts with children. Sexual abuse is never the child’s fault.”
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The situation in Nigeria is at a dangerous precipice and it looks surreal considering the nation prides itself as a religious country. Though many reasons had been adduced for the dastardly act, none seems to be good enough for the destruction of children’s destiny through sexual abuse.
Ogunyeye stated: “Millions of children all over the world continue to be at risk. I will not say child molestation is on the increase, this is because till few years ago, many didn’t not speak up about their abuse, they didn’t even know that they were being sexually abused. But because awareness is becoming high unlike when silence was the order of the day and it was as if nothing like child sexual abuse was happening before.
“Because cases are now being reported and we are now getting to know when some of these atrocities are committed, this topic is now something we talk about often. However, child sexual abuse is still much here with us. The abusers take the whole blame for their actions every other person or party is the victim,’ she explained.
But what is the way out of this menace. Many have advocated advocacy, education of minors and orientation as the major solution. But there have also been calls for stronger laws against child molestation and abuse, enforcement of such laws, curbing stigmatisation of victims and breaking of the silence culture.
Ogunyeye, a child rights activist and staunch advocate of gender-equality is a former banker trained by the National Advocacy Centre Huntsville, USA and to her, advocacy can help greatly to fight the war against child sexual abuse.
This is why MICF is fully into advocacy alongside other initiatives we promote. We go to schools to advocate prevention of child sexual abuse; we give sex education talks every quarter. We also attend PTA meetings where we can reach out to parents because a child can’t do it alone. We have had to deal with heart breaking cases.
“My experience has not been a palatable one, but I am happy that many children are now aware that some people are around them who want to sexually abuse them. Unfortunately, abusers don’t just groom a child; they groom families, organisations, and entire communities.”
Grooming, the process where offenders gradually draw their victims into a sexual relationship and maintain it in secrecy has been attributed to why it goes on for long before such cases are discovered. Grooming allows offenders to slowly overcome natural boundaries long before actual sexual abuse occurs.
How can one identify grooming? “Seeking relationships with children, more than usual for the average adult, giving gifts, trips, flattery, providing transportation to help the child/family or babysitting. Gradually showing extra physical affection towards a child in a way that “almost” crosses the line, but not quite, seeking alone time with the child among others are signs of grooming. And the greatest challenge I face is that mothers shield their husbands who are perpetrators.
“This is disheartening. How can a mother choose her husband over such a terrible thing? Why do some mothers not just care about the feelings of their daughters? Can we please stop treating child rape as a family affair? When are we going to start empathising with victims and not the perpetrators of this crime? Do they even know how these victims carry the trauma for a long period of time?” Ogunyeye asked.
