A mother recently caught her husband fingering their nine-year-old daughter one night and could hardly believe what she saw.
“This girl was our daughter. I did not bring her from another man. How could she have attracted him? I am not pregnant and I never said no to intercourse, even if I had, should his own daughter be the alternative?” She had cried out to an activist.
According to this woman’s story, the girl in question has been complaining of pains around her vagina for some days before the incident and they could not get to the root of the matter.
“I was only giving her paracetamol and some antibiotics, thinking it might be an infection. That night, however, I just woke up to discover that this man was not on the bed. I went in search of him and found him doing this. I literaly went mad. Of course, I had to leave his house before he succeeded in defiling my child,” she told the NGO.
While a survey by an organisation, known as Positive Action for Treatment Access, 31.4 percent of girls admit that their first sexual encounter was rape or forced sex in various forms. A report by the United Nations Children Fund also revealed that six out of 10 Nigerian children go through emotional, physical or sexual abuse before the age of 18; most of which involves physical violence.
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Much worse is the prevalent cases of such abuse, coming from family members of such victims. Besides, incidences of stepfathers abusing their stepdaughters, which have almost become a norm based on figures of reported cases in welfare offices and those being handled by non-governmental organisations, there have been several cases of fathers, abusing their biological children, uncles and even siblings abusing each other.
Speaking on the issue was the Executive Director and Founder of Morna International Children’s Foundation (MICF), Mrs. Bukola Afolabi Ogunyeye, who said, “sexual abuse can happen among siblings too. This is the reason parents need to be conscious of this and be on their watch. They must be careful of those they bring into their homes, as that uncle, aunty or family friend may be a predator that will end up abusing your precious children.”
Although cases of child sexual abuse was never on the rise like this and reasons, such as indiscipline on the part of abusers, psychological disorder, objectification of the girl child and failure to bring sex offenders to book have been identified, as some of the reasons the tide has remained rampant, the activist recommended some ways to combat the problem.
Child sexual abuse exploits and degrades children and the effects on the child cuts across cognitive, social and emotional development of a child into adulthood. There are various forms of child sexual abuse, which simply means any sexual act between an adult and a child, including penetration, intercourse, incest, rape, oral sex, and sodomy. Other examples include fondling, violations of bodily privacy, spying on a child in the bathroom or bedroom, exposing children to adult sexuality, showing pornography to a child, child prostitution or child pornography.
Awareness, according to Ogunyeye, is the key in fighting this menace.
“We must understand that a vast majority of offenders do not look, act, or speak in a way that would identify them, as sex offenders. It could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, or even a parent,” she said.
Sex education is another way identified as a preventive measure of child sexual abuse. Every child must be able to pronounce the appropriate names of his or her private parts, they must know that predators are not strangers and must be on their guard to report anyone who tries to touch their private parts and tells them not to report to daddy and mummy, or anyone who threatens them with death.
Other things to be conscious of include,
1. Let your children know that the predator will most likely be someone they know. More than 90% of the time, the child knows the predator in some way so, let them know that predators could be a family member, a teacher, a coach or a trusted friend.
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Don’t let your guard down just because someone is charming or nice. In fact, those are reasons to put your guard up. Predators “are very good at ingratiating themselves with children,” said Dr. Judith Cohen, medical director for the Center for Traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents at Allegheny General Hospital in Pittsburgh.
2. Be suspicious of adults who try to spend time alone with your child.
Of course, your child will spend time with adult friends, teachers and coaches. But beware of the ones who make an effort to be alone with your child, who shower your child with gifts or who speak of having a “special relationship” with your child.
3. Avoid situations where your child could be molested.
Be sure you really know those parents in whose house your child wants to sleep over, especially if your child is young. If you don’t know the parents, don’t let them sleep over, even if it would be convenient for you. If your child is going on an overnight trip, for example with a Scouts group or an athletic team, ask about the sleeping arrangements and who will have access to whom.
4. Don’t insist that your child hugs someone.
Too often, parents tell a child to hug or kiss a relative or friend, as in, “come on, that’s your big uncle or cousin. Go give him or her hug.” This may end up as a mistake if that person is a pedophile. “It’s high time we got sensitive and stop worrying about how we’re perceived as parents,” observed Ogunyeye.
5. . Teach your children about good touch, bad touch.
Teach your child that she has control over her body and should say “no” to touches that make her uncomfortable.
• To be continued
