Traditionally, many believed that the best thing that can happen to any couple in any marriage is to have a common room where they share a bed.
This way, it is assumed that they will be closer to each other and have the marriage sustained. I’m afraid this is really no longer true or why on earth does the society still experience so much divorce today?
As far as marriage counselors are concerned, findings have made them to come to a conclusion that whatever works for one person is unlikely to work for another.
This is what many couples don’t take into cognizance, which is why their union breaks, even before the nuptials are tied. Believe me; it is absolutely wrong to use the same yardstick of judgment, or rating for all homes.
So, if you currently don’t share a bed with your spouse and you feel that not doing so represents doom and gloom for your marriage just because people say so, don’t panic. It does not mean you guys are not close. For your information, a study by the National Sleep Foundation says that nearly one in four married couples sleep in separate beds.
Now, the question here is, how many people know this? People simply say what they have heard or have been taught over time.
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If you spot any of these developments, therefore, psychologists advise that you try sleeping in different rooms.
If you fight more while sleeping together
Fighting with your spouse can cause you both to lose sleep, but losing sleep can also cause you to fight with your spouse. While losing one night’s sleep is no big deal, experts emphasise that sleep loss becomes dangerous over extended periods of time. But when you sleep apart, it could allow you two to simmer down, according to this advice from marriage counselors. This will allow cooler heads to prevail come morning, they say. So, if you sleep together and fight all the time, try sleeping separately. If you do and it works, why sleep together?
If one of you have a sleeping problem
Snoring is a common complaint that drives partners nut. It is also one of the main reasons partners storm out of their bedroom, in the middle of the night. According to a study by Mayo Clinic, around half of all adults snore. If you or your spouse’s snoring stems from another sore point such as drinking to excess, it may spark fights in addition to the need for earplugs.
Snoring can represent a health-related issue, such as allergies, nasal problems, apnea, or a weight gain. It can also be the result of alcohol abuse, or late-night drinking. Sleep deprivation can also bring on snoring. If one (or both) of you are chronic snorers, you should talk to your doctor about the underlying cause, or try these home remedies. You should also consider starting out your night in separate bedrooms, rather than having to make the excursion to the couch at 3:00 a.m.
If your sleeping habits hurt your spouse’s, everyone’s going to suffer. Sleep hygiene routines vary: One person may need some noise, and the other, complete silence. One spouse might covet the breeze from an open window, while the other, the whir of an air conditioner. Sleep experts typically extol the virtue of good nighttime habits, such as turning off electronic screens and keeping the room dark, but many people genuinely sleep better if they drift off while watching TV or listening to music. That’s fine, unless the person trying to sleep next to can’t bear the habit. A better fix might be a kiss goodnight, and separate rooms.
If your schedules clash
Lots of couples have differing work schedules, which affect their sleeping times, and patterns. Other couples simply have differing circadian rhythms, which just don’t jive. If you’re a night owl, who never makes it into bed before 1:00 a.m., but the love of your life enjoys rising with the sun, sleeping in separate beds may be a great way to preserve harmony.
Your honey is too hot
According to experts at the National Sleep Foundation, sleeping cool can ward off waking. The ideal sleeping temperature for your bedroom is in the 60-to-67 degrees, Fahrenheit, range, but that number doesn’t take into account the heat two bodies can give off under the covers. Some people generate so much heat during sleep that their partner winds up soaked with sweat. If the love of your life rivals such heat output, separate beds can be an easy way to go.
Getting enough sleep will keep you both on your diets
If one or both of you are struggling to lose a few pounds, insomnia may be one of the reasons you’re doing battle with the scale. Several studies link getting too little sleep with weight gain. Not getting your beauty rest can ignite appetite hormones like ghrelin and leptin. So, if one of you needs so much sleep to shed some weight off and the other needs to be awake to gain more, it is better you sleep separately to achieve your different dreams.
If you clash on choice of mattress
You like it firm, she likes it soft, getting your mattress just right might be impossibility. If you can’t decide on a mattress that fits the bill for both of you, the one who lost the argument is going to wake up achy, cranky, and unrested. This won’t be so great especially on the morning of that important presentation, or job interview. To strike a better deal therefore, it will be in the interest of the marriage that you choose different rooms to have your different mattresses.
If one of you is a blanket bandit
If the notches on your bedpost represent the number of blankets you’ve stolen from your spouse, co-sleeping may mean shivery nights of restless sleep for him or her. While it’s true that a cool room is better for sleep quality, stealing the blankets off of your wife or husband may leave them too cold, which brings on fitful sleep, and bouts of wakefulness, as reported in Time. If you’re an unrequited blanket stealer whose only alibi is, “I was asleep,” it’s off to separate-bed jail for you.
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If you just had a baby
Caring for a new born is definitely a lot of work. This will definitely affect your man’s sleep even when he is the father of the child. Sleeping in a separate room to have harmony and allow the man sleep after a long day work shouldn’t be any big deal. He may stroll into your room to help you out with the crying baby but let him do it on his volition. Giving him this respect will go a long way to keep the marriage going. For all you care, he may even take the child to his own room to help you have some sleep and if he asks you guys to come over, it is all well and good. So, that you sleep separately for this reason is no problem at all.
One of you has Restless Leg Syndrome
Also known as Willis Ekbom Disease, RLS affects around 10 percent of the population. It causes the desire for constant movement of the legs, but usually includes an early-morning grace period, when people with the disorder can get some much-needed rest. If you or your spouse is dealing with RLS, you’ll want to look into treatments that can help, like trying to maintain a regular sleep pattern, and eliminating alcohol, and cigarettes. Sleeping in separate beds will help both of you get the rest you need.
But what about, you know…sex?
Lots of married couples fear that sleeping solo will adversely affect their sex lives, but those who are already happily ensconced in their own beds typically say it ain’t so. The desire for sex represents a very different drive than the desire for sleep does. If you’re sleep-deprived, due to your partner’s habits, the last thing you’re going to want to do is have sex with them.
If you’re well rested, it’s a lot easier to find the time to connect in a loving way plus, you’ll have eliminated some of the annoyance baggage you may be carrying around. Sleeping in separate beds, or even bedrooms, can create the sexual tension that so tantalised you both back in the day. Can you just picture him getting all dressed up (in black satin PJs, or a cool suit), nabbing a bouquet of flowers, and knocking on your bedroom door for a date? What about surprising him at dawn with a cup of espresso and a cup of you? I mean, it can be fun visiting him in an all -transparent lingerie when all had slept in the house…. It really can be romantic.
So, what’s new? If sleeping separately can be as sexy and comforting as it has been painted, what’s the big deal.