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Talking sex: Tips for senior men

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By age 65, erection, in most men, according to studies, have become history. This is not because of anything negative but majorly because of the onset of old age. The daily early morning upsurge that men experience no longer happens, but this is also not an indication of impotence.

To make matters worse, even when men over 65 would love to take erection medication, they are typically involved with women around their age, who have developed post-menopausal dryness and vaginal tissue thinning (atrophy) that most times make intercourse uncomfortable or painful even with plenty of lubricant.

Contrary to common myths, however, sex isn’t just for the young. While it may not be the same as it was in your 20s, you can still be satisfying (talking about men now). As a man, you can still enjoy great, orgasmic sex. There are examples of many seniors who have continually enjoyed sex into their 80s and beyond.

So, there is no need to panic or fret if you are finding it tough to get it up as you used to do in the past. Do not also write sex off because of that experience because you should still engage in it. A healthy sex life is not only fulfilling, but also good for other aspects of your life, including your physical health and self-esteem.

READ ALSO: Why married couples should sleep in separate rooms

But how do we tackle this issue? Like I said earlier, relax, just try and examine the following tips:

  • Don’t take it personally. In the vast majority of older men, libido and erection function decline. It is natural. Know that most men over 65 bid farewell to erections and penis-in-vagina intercourse, so, opt for other pleasures; mutual genital hand massage and oral sex.
  • Stop focusing partner sex on intercourse. Most older men can’t get it up sufficiently to slip it in. Even if they can, as observed earlier, their women mostly in post-menopausal stage find intercourse increasingly uncomfortable even with a lubricant. So, what do you do? Most elderly couples who remain sexually engaged usually evolve their lovemaking away from penis-vagina intercourse.
  • Talk with your partner. Even if it’s difficult to talk about sex, openly sharing your needs, desires and concerns can help you both enjoy sex and intimacy more. We all know that communication is usually key in any relationship.
  • Visit your doctor. Your doctor can help you manage chronic conditions and medications that may affect your sex life. If you have trouble maintaining an erection, ask your doctor about treatments.
  • See a sex therapist. A therapist may be able to help you and your partner with specific concerns. Ask your doctor for a referral if there is any need for that.
  • Expand your definition of sex. Shift total attention from intercourse. Although this is usually difficult for most men as their focus or destination is usually the penile aspect of sex, it is important that they learn to do this. This is because intercourse is only one way to have a fulfilling sex life. Touching, kissing and other intimate contact can be rewarding for you and your partner. Try this and you will enjoy a fulfilling sex life still. Instead of intercourse, orchestrate your lovemaking around leisurely, playful, whole-body touch: kissing, cuddling, mutual total-body massage, genital hand massage, oral sex with plenty of lubricant.

As you age, it’s normal for you and your partner to have different sexual abilities and needs. Be open to finding new ways to enjoy sexual contact and intimacy.

  • Adapt your routine. Simple changes can improve your sex life. Change the time of the day that you have sex to a time when you have the most energy. Try the morning when you’re refreshed from a good night’s sleep rather than at the end of a long day.

Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, take more time to set the stage for romance. Try a new sexual position or explore other ways of connecting romantically and sexually. A little adventure won’t do you any harm it can only create more fun that will have a positive effect on your entire being at the end of the day. Trust me.

  • Don’t give up on romance. If you’ve lost your partner, it can be difficult to imagine starting another relationship but socializing is well worth the effort for many single seniors. No one outgrows the need for emotional closeness and intimacy.

If you start an intimate relationship with a new partner, use a condom. Many older adults are unaware that they are still at risk of sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes and gonorrhea.

Stay healthy. One final piece of advice for maintaining a healthy sex life is that you should endeavour to take care of yourself and stay as healthy as you can:


  • Eat a healthy diet.
  • Exercise regularly.
  • Don’t drink too much alcohol.
  • Don’t smoke.
  • Enjoy being more in synch. Young men heat up much faster than young women, often finishing before their lovers have even warmed up to genital play. Older men take longer to become aroused like women. So older couples become more erotically in synch, which enhances sexual and relationship satisfaction.
  • Finally, men should know that they don’t need erections to have marvelous orgasms. In an erotic context, lingerie, candles, music, whispered endearments, and an enthusiastic lover with enough penile massage and fellatio, men with semi-firm or even flaccid penises can still have earthquake orgasms.

Tackle all emotional issues. At any age, emotional issues can affect your sexuality. Many older couples report greater satisfaction with their sex life because they have fewer distractions, more time and privacy, and no worries about pregnancy.

On the other hand, some older adults feel stressed by health problems, financial concerns and other lifestyle changes. Depression can decrease your desire for and interest in sex. If you feel you might be depressed, talk to your doctor or a counselor

Above all, having an understanding partner will go a very long way in achieving all said and even more. Have a sex-blessed week.