Gabriel and Stella Ikeolu have only been married for two years. Ordinarily, everyone expected them to still be savouring marital bliss.
But this was not the case. The husband, Gabriel related an unpalatable occurrence that almost severed his marriage. “Before we were officially married, my wife and I were very transparent to each other. We knew each other’s passwords to unlock our phones. We read each other’s texts and answered each other’s calls. In recent times, I discovered that my wife is no more comfortable with the arrangement.
She does not like it when I pick her calls or pick her phone to check her texts. At a point, she even passworded her phone. I became worried and suspicious. One day, I saw a text from someone on her phone, asking her to meet her at certain place in Alagbado area. I copied the details and I traced her to the place. I was surprised to see her with a man whom she later explained to have dated before, hugging and kissing her. From where I was hiding, I saw the man give her an envelope containing money.”
Of course, a disappointed Gabriel did not only confront his wife, he also reported the case to one of her aunties. Although the woman denied sleeping with her ex, she admitted going to the meeting point where her husband caught her.
Explaining her action, Stella said, it was a harmless meeting as her so-called ex just called her out of the blues after a long while and they both agreed to meet at the place.
That was just an instance out of many cases of infidelity that occur these days.
Infidelity or extramarital affairs in marriage can be defined as the act of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partners in a relationship. It is an offence rated biggest in any relationship or marriage, which explains why the offender is never spared a punishment.
A recent research revealed that one in every five women in Nigeria has been unfaithful in a relationship at one time or the other. Another research says an upward of 40 percent of married couples are guilty of infidelity.
And while everyone condemns the act, spouses have continued to cheat on themselves. Why is this so? A relationship expert, Mrs Olushola Aderanti identified frustration of different sorts as a major trigger of infidelity in most marriages. For men, the frustration, she said, is mostly about sex, lack of good food, nagging, among other reasons. “If a woman is used to denying her man easy access to her body or she does not cook good food and feed her husband on time, if she also nags, the man may not look forward to coming home and where he has a female friend who does all of these, he is most likely to engage in extramarital affairs,” she said.
In the case of women, two things are fundamental cause of infidelity. According to Mrs Aderanti, “A woman is likely to cheat if her husband is financially handicapped. Where the needs of a woman are constantly unmet and she is ridiculed among her contemporaries, she can become promiscuous.”
Another reason a woman can resort to cheating on her husband is if her relationship lacks intimacy. In other words, if there is a communication gap between couples and someone somewhere is filling this gap, Mrs. Aderanti pointed that promiscuity on the part of the woman is only a matter of time.
Other reasons include a feeling of disillusionment in marriage. Throwing more light on this, a psychologist, Mr. Niyi Abayomi observed that sometimes, couples get married for some unrealistic expectations and illusions of what married life is all about. When reality finally sets in, they become disappointed. “At that stage, they begin to experience discontentment and start comparing their spouses and relationship with others. They then conclude that the marriage was a mistake and they will begin to look for succour elsewhere,” explained Abayomi.
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How will you know that your partner is cheating on you? Some of the warning signs include, he or she feels bored of your presence. If he is not excited to have you around her, he is possibly cheating on you. If there is a sudden interest in his or her appearance, then know that there is someone somewhere to be impressed.
When it becomes difficult for your spouse to say ‘I love you’ or he or she lies about a variety of things. If he is no longer enthusiastic on doing things or going out with you, there is indeed a cause for alarm. In addition, when he or she becomes more secretive or you discover lipstick smear, strange perfume and other strange things on him, he is cheating on you. Finally, if you find out you have any of the sexually transmitted diseases when you have not strayed, he or she is definitely cheating on you.
If you have ever cheated or been cheated on, you know the first question a betrayed spouse usually asks is ‘Why?’ Not that the answer will ease the pain but he or she always wants to know. Infidelity is a shameful act that will continue to occur in the society if the yearnings of the parties involved in marriages are not attended to. Where it leads to broken homes, the innocent children are usually the worst hit. It behoves on couples, therefore, to ensure that they go out of their ways to meet each other’s needs as much as possible before it becomes too late. A word they say is enough for the wise.